


A Part of Me

by infiniteeight



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Jim, First Time, M/M, Top McCoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:58:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8206081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteeight/pseuds/infiniteeight
Summary: Jim overhears Bones talking to a colleague and discovers that he and Spock weren't the only ones making plans before Altamid happened.





	

Jim is not actually in the habit of eavesdropping. There are, in his opinion, much safer, more reliable, more efficient means of gathering information. That doesn’t, however, mean that he’s going to turn his nose up at the opportunity when it falls into his lap.

It’s been years since he and Bones bothered chiming for entry to each other’s quarters, so he thinks nothing of walking right into Bones’s temporary suite on Yorktown.

The suites are two rooms separated by an arch--three if you count the tiny bathroom--and though Bones isn’t in the outer room, Jim can hear him anyway. It would be hard _not_ to hear him, sharpness raising his volume. “I’m done with this discussion, Ken. I warned you when I approached you--and I will remind you that this collaboration was my suggestion--that my plans could change at any moment. You’ve got no grounds to file a complaint.”

Jim frowned and paused. That was _real_ irritation, not habitual grumpiness. He moved forward again with deliberate quietness, suddenly more interested in hearing the rest of this argument than in the exasperated but somehow fond look Bones always gave him when Jim barged in on his conversations. 

The other voice, when it spoke, had the flatness endowed by the speakers of a standard comm panel. “Christ, Leonard, I’m not going to ‘file’ anything. I’m not even angry. I’m frustrated.”

“If you want to move ahead on the research with someone else, you have my blessing,” Bones said, much calmer but still testy. “I’m not going to kick up a fuss just because it was my idea.”

The other man, Ken, sighed loudly enough that Jim could hear it. “That’s not what’s frustrating me. It’s _you_. When I got this request from you, I thought you’d finally given up on trailing after Kirk like a lost puppy. I was excited that you were finally ready to build your _own_ life, to let your own brilliance take the stage instead of playing back up singer to Starfleet’s poster boy.”

Jim realized he was holding his breath and forced himself to let it out slowly and quietly. Bones had been planning on leaving the _Enterprise_ , too? Of course, the man hated space, but Jim had always thought he’d notice when it got to be too much, when the trade offs no longer offered enough compensation. Nothing had seemed different to him; even when Jim felt lost, Bones was his rock. 

In the other room, Bones was laughing. “Ken, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried,” he said. “You assumed you knew why I made the request, but you didn’t ask. Even though your primary research lab is on Yorktown, and you know I’d rather take a planetary posting.” He paused, leadingly.

Ken obliged. “So why did you?”

“Because Jim applied for the Vice Admiralship here,” Bones said simply.

Jim caught his breath. He hadn’t thought Bones knew; Jim hadn’t told him, too uncertain and too embarrassed by it after his dedication to dragging his friend into space with him. Somehow, it hadn’t even occurred to him that if he wanted Bones with him, the doctor would have to make his own arrangements. Bones had always been with Jim, and some part of Jim had assumed he always would be, but Starfleet assignments didn’t care about that.

Bones had thought of it, though. Had thought of it and made arrangements to move with Jim, even though Jim hadn’t asked him, hadn’t even told him of his plans. 

Bones had always been with Jim, he realized suddenly, because Bones _made sure_ he was always with Jim.

In the other room, Ken broke Jim’s moment of silent realization. “It’s been eight years, Leonard. When are you going to get over him and get on with your life? You could be happy if you’d just move on.”

Jim blinked. That almost sounded like…

“I’m not _interested_ in ‘getting over him’,” Bones said impatiently. “Ken, you have to realize, we met in second year, so you never knew me before Jim. It doesn’t matter that he’s never going to love me back; I like who I am better since I fell in love with him.” 

For a moment, Jim could have sworn his heart stopped. Bones was in _love_ with him? Bones was _in love_ with him. 

And he hadn’t stopped talking yet. “Half the time you argue with me about this,” he was saying to Ken, “you bring up my career, as if I give a shit about professional advancement. I care about _helping people_ , Ken. If the way my life fell apart after Jocelyn taught me anything, it was that I’m always going to be able to find ways to do that. I don’t have to sacrifice that to stay by Jim’s side: I can do it as the CMO of a starship, but I can also do it by being a trauma surgeon, or with research, or as an instructor with Starfleet Medical. I _am_ happy, Ken, and I wish you’d accept that Jim’s the biggest reason for that and I don’t see any reason to change it.”

There was a long pause, and then another loud sigh. “Alright,” Ken said. “This is me letting it go.”

Letting it go, Jim noticed, but not accepting it. He wondered how many times they’d had this exact conversation.

Ken confirmed he was going ahead with the research Bones had planned before Jim withdrew his application, Bones recommended someone else to assist with it, and then they said their goodbyes. A moment later, Bones appeared in the archway and started when he spotted Jim. “Jim!” he said warmly, recovering and heading towards the coffee table where a couple of PADDs were scattered. “I didn’t hear you come in. I’d offer you a drink, but I haven’t a chance to lay in my own personal stock of booze.”

“You’re in love with me?” Jim blurted.

Bones stopped just past Jim, then turned slowly to face him. “Yeah,” he said simply. No denial. No defensiveness. “I am.” His expression took on a rueful cast. “Thought I had a few more years before you’d figure it out, though.”

How could Bones be so _calm_? Jim’s heart was pounding like it was trying to escape from his chest. “Why hide it?” he demanded. “Why did you not want me to know?” 

Bones took a couple of steps back and leaned against the back of the couch that faced the coffee table. “Because I didn’t want you to put distance between us.” Bones looked wistful, as if the distance was already there.

“I wouldn’t,” Jim protested. Just the suggestion made his heart clench. 

“Jim,” Bones said patiently, as if he knew Jim better than Jim did. Most of the time he was right, but something in Jim protested at the idea that he was right about this. “Over the last eight years, I’ve watched a lot of people fall for you. Sometimes it’s lust. Sometimes hero worship. Sometimes a crush. I think a handful really did love you.” He smiled faintly. “You inspire passion in people. But whenever they voiced that to you, no matter how eloquent they were or how good the roll in the hay was, the first thing you did was to take a step back.” 

Bones sighed. “The last thing I want is for you to step back from me. I understand why you do it, I do. Knowing someone has stronger feelings for you than you do for them is damned uncomfortable, and most of the time stepping back is the right thing to do. They need to let go of the hope that anything’s ever going to come of how they feel, and a little space helps that happen.” He looked Jim straight in the eye. “But I don’t need space, Jim. It won’t change how I feel, and I already _know_ that nothing’s going to come of it.”

The longer Bones spoke, the more Jim’s heart rate came down. Deep, steady certainty filled him with every word, and by the time Bones was done speaking, he had his plan of attack all laid out. “How?” he asked.

“How what?” Bones asked, brow wrinkling.

“How do you know that nothing’s going to come of it?” Jim took a step forward, closing the physical distance Bones had put between them when he’d picked the couch to lean against.

“I know what you’re like when you’re interested in someone,” Bones said, but Jim could hear the thread of uncertainty in it.

“You just finished explaining that I’ve never _been_ interested in someone,” Jim pointed out. “Not for anything more than some casual sex, anyway. And Bones?” Jim held his eyes as he took another step forward. “There is nothing casual about what we are to each other.”

Bones’s hands tightened on the back of the couch, like he was stopping himself from reaching out. “I also know that you’re the kind of man who goes for what he wants, and you’ve never so much as made a pass at me.”

“I do when I understand what it is that I want. But even I get off track sometimes,” Jim admitted. He waves around them. “Take me applying for the Vice Admiralship. I got caught up in minutiae and forgot why I loved space. With you…” Jim paused and stepped closer again, inside Bones’s personal space. Bones’s expression was intent, but not hopeful. Not yet, anyway. “With you, I never let myself finish the thought.”

“What thought?” Bones’s voice was just as intent as his expression.

Jim huffed a laugh. “A hundred different thoughts. I’d notice how attractive you are, or how brilliant--” Bones started to protest, and Jim stopped him with a finger on his lips. Bones’s eyes went wide, his breath stopping for a moment. “Or how much you cared about people, and then I’d cut myself off and think, _And he’s my best friend._ And that was so much more than I’d ever had before that I Iet myself believe that it was everything I wanted.”

“Isn’t it?” Bones’s lips moved against Jim’s finger. 

Jim moved it, stroking Bones’s bottom lip before his fingers came to rest lightly on Bones’s cheek. He didn’t answer the question right away; he needed to lay a little more groundwork first. “When I heard you just now, and figured out that you’d made plans to come with me, you know what I realized? I realized that it hadn’t even occurred to me that my decision to leave the _Enterprise_ didn’t automatically include you.” Jim paused, stroking Bones’s cheek for a moment. “I couldn’t possibly put distance between us,” he said quietly, “because you’re a part of me, Bones. I had to believe that being your best friend was everything I wanted, because if _you_ took a step back, it would tear me apart.”

Bones made an involuntary noise and closed the last bare inches between them. He wrapped his arms around Jim and kissed him, and Jim returned both gestures. They pulled each other close, kissing deeply, as if they could find and touch the places where they’d long ago become part of each other. Eventually, it sank in that neither of them was going anywhere, and the kiss gentled and became more of an exploration. When they parted, it was so gradually that it took Jim a moment to realize they weren’t kissing anymore, just leaning their foreheads together and breathing each other’s air. “I love you,” he said, because he hadn’t said it before.

“I should hope so,” Bones said, “after that pretty speech.”

Jim laughed and brushed their lips together quickly. “You liked it.”

“I did,” Bones admitted. His hand was resting at Jim’s waist, and his thumb snuck up under the edge of Jim’s shirts and began rubbing circles into Jim’s skin. “I like the idea of being a part of you,” his voice dropped, the stroking of his thumb slowing and sweeping back and forth instead of circling. 

Heat bloomed from that tiny patch of skin and spread through Jim’s body. His spine relaxed and his hips loosened and though he was already close to Bones, in the circle of his arms, Jim eased closer now, fitting their hips together. “Am I inspiring passion in you, Bones?” he teased.

Bones chuckled, deep and a little rough, and leaned in until his lips brushed Jim’s ear. “Darlin’,” he rumbled, “you don’t have to tease me. I’m not going anywhere until we both get what we want.”

It struck Jim, suddenly, that this was _Bones_ he was going to bed with. Jim didn’t need to to plan or to manage his partner, wouldn’t have to hold back, couldn’t ask for too much. A shiver ran through him and he turned and caught Bones in another kiss, hungrier this time. Bones matched him every step of the way, until they were stumbling back through the arch into the sleeping area, never letting their lips part. The bed hit the back of Jim’s legs and he sat heavily, losing the kiss but gaining the space to really _see_ Bones. 

Bones pulled his shirt off over his head and looked down at Jim with dark eyes and flushed skin and tousled hair. He was gorgeous, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He was always going to be right here, with Jim. 

“I like it when you look at me like that,” Bones murmured, tossing his shirt aside. He yanked off his boots and pants before pushing Jim until he scrambled backwards onto the bed despite still being fully dressed himself.

“What look?” Jim asked. 

Bones crawled onto the bed over him. He paused, cupping Jim’s cheek. “Like I’m the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen,” he said. “Like I’m something to wonder at.”

Jim blinked. “But you are,” he said. “In all the exploring we’ve done and among all the people we’ve met, there’s never been anyone even remotely like you.”

Bones’s expression softened, and Jim could _see_ the love Bones felt for him for the first time. He leaned down and the kiss that followed was sweet and intense. Jim held onto Bones and just kissed back, letting Bones’s sure hands take care of stripping him out of his clothes, the kiss breaking only for the barest necessary moments.

“Much as I’m enjoying your mouth,” Bones eventually murmured against Jim’s lips, “I do have other plans for you.” 

“What plans would those be?” Jim asked, breathless, as Bones moved to nibble first on his throat, then on his collarbone, working inexorably down Jim’s body. He’d never been able to keep his mouth shut during sex. Some of his partners hated it; he could only hope that Bones didn’t.

A rough chuckled answered him. “Can’t you guess?” he asked, laying a kiss on Jim’s belly before nudging Jim’s legs apart and settling himself between them.

“To be fair,” Jim said, propping himself up on his elbows so as not to miss a second of Bones between his legs. He caught his breath as Bones licked at the crease of his thigh. “There are a couple of different things you could do down there.”

“Mmmm, that’s true,” Bones said. “There’s this pretty little cock--”

“Little!” Jim protested, then moaned sharply as Bones _licked_ , swirling his tongue around the sensitive head.

“And then there’s these nice balls,” Bones went on, nuzzling down and brushing his lips over the hot sac.

Jim had to force words out through a throat clogged with moans. “‘Little’ and now ‘nice’. Damned by faint praise.”

“But I must admit,” Bones said, shouldering Jim’s thighs wider, “that my favorite part,” fingers lightly brushed past Jim’s perineum, “is this greedy hole.” He brushed the warm, dry pad of his finger over Jim’s pucker, and the whimper tore it’s way out of Jim, belying any claim he might have made of not being greedy. Bones chuckled, stroking the twitching opening. “Lube’s in the bedside table,” he said, “if you want me to fill it up.”

Dignity be damned, this was Bones talking about fucking him. Jim lunged for the table, yanking out the drawer and seizing the tube he found within almost feverishly. He tossed it at Bones, who caught Jim’s gaze and held it as he scooped the tube off the bed and popped open the cap. Jim licked his lips.

Bones slicked up his fingers, and then he bent his head and Jim had just enough time to choke out, “Oh, fuck,” before his cock was enveloped in heat and a long finger slid into him. Jim fisted his hands in the sheets and moaned, hips twitching between the urge to thrust up into Bones’s mouth or down into the finger all-too-carefully working him open.

Some small part of Jim’s pleasure-flooded brain reminded him that he ought to be making sure Bones was enjoying himself, but Bones seemed fully engaged in driving him crazy. Lips tight around Jim’s cock, tongue teasing him mercilessly, Bones was still somehow managing to make pleased noises, like he was the one getting his cock sucked. He pressed a second finger into Jim and Jim gasped, fists tightening until his knuckles ached, so ready--

Bones released Jim’s cock. “Don’t you be coming yet,” he murmured, his breath feeling cool against Jim’s burning cock.

Jim let out a breathless laugh. “Not sure I have a choice,” he said, even though he was already easing back from the edge.

“Now, Jim,” Bones chided, “we both know you can make anything happen if you want it badly enough. So the question is, how much do you want me inside you?”

Jim made an inarticulate noise because _fuck yes_. 

Bones laughed warmly. “That’s what I thought. You just hang on while I’m getting you ready.”

“Do my best,” Jim managed, pressing his head back into the bed and arching his hips toward the thrust of Bones’s fingers inside him. Two fingers gave way to three. “Oh, god, please,” Jim panted as the burn of being stretched flared up his spine, transforming into pleasure along the way. 

“You’re gorgeous like this,” Bones said. His voice was like molasses, thick and warm and slow, accent rich and broad. God, Jim loved his voice. Most people lost their accents quickly at the Academy, and even quicker in space, their voices averaging out under the influence of a thousand different cultures, but not Bones. “Hard and eager, practically glowing with pleasure,” Bones went on. He crooked his fingers, stroking over Jim’s prostate and tearing a deep moan out of Jim as if to underline the point. “No wonder people practically line up at your quarters.”

Jim’s next moan got tangled up with a laugh. “I’m not usually like this.”

“Well, that’s a damn shame,” Bones said. Jim made an inarticulate sound of disapproval when Bones’s fingers slid out of him, but a new rush of desire bloomed when he propped himself up on one elbow to see Bones sitting back on his heels and smoothing lube over his cock. Liquid heat pooled in Jim’s belly at the sight. One of these days, he was going to make Bones jerk off for him, let himself really wallow in the sight of those long, skillful fingers wrapped around his swollen, flushed cock. But not tonight.

Bones set the lube aside and nudged Jim’s knees up and open. “You ready?” he asked, resting one hand on Jim’s upraised knee, his thumb stroking the skin absently.

“And waiting,” Jim promised.

Bones’s cock sliding into Jim was, possibly, somehow, even more amazing that Bones’s cock stiff and pink in the cradle of his perfect hands. Jim clamped his eyes shut and moaned helplessly as his body opened up and _took_ it, inch after inch of gorgeous, perfect cock. Bones was silent as he thrust home; eventually, Jim pried his eyes open and found Bones clenching his jaw, nostrils flaring as he struggled for control, his eyes fixed on Jim.

The thought that Bones was as desperate for this as Jim was hit him deep in the gut and he couldn’t help the way his body clenched. It tore a cry from Bones and his hips jerked, a short, hard thrust. 

“Yes,” Jim gasped. “ _More_.”

Bones’s answer was a more deliberate thrust: a long, slow withdrawal that was like having his cock stroked from the inside, and a plunge back into Jim that wasn’t much faster. Jim’s body still felt stretched around him, and it was _perfect_. Jim fumbled for Bones’s hands, which were curled around Jim’s bent knees, holding his body open, and laced his fingers into Bones’s as Bones fucked into him. It was steady and solid and everything Jim had ever wanted in bed but only been able to get in bits and pieces.

“Jim,” Bones said hoarsely. Jim met his gaze, but it didn’t seem like he was looking for a response. “Jim,” he repeated, and God, the _way_ he said it… So full of love and need and devotion. It was just his name, but the way he said it sank into Jim and wrapped around his heart and promised that he’d never be alone and adrift ever again.

“Bones,” Jim answered, and he could only hope that half of what he was feeling showed in his voice.

Bones disentangled one of their pairs of hands and braced himself on the bed so that he could lean down, driving his cock even deeper and folding Jim just about in half. Jim was moaning as Bones kissed him. He brought both hands up and cupped Bones’s face, kissing him deep and filthy, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue. 

With their mouths locked together, Bones switched from long, slow thrusts into shorter, harder snaps of his hips, and God, that was good, too, the thick heat of him never quite leaving Jim empty. Jim never stopped kissing him, just wrapped his legs around Bones’s waist and devoured Bones’s mouth and reveled in the way Bones was fucking him open. The feeling of being desperately stretched to take Bones gave way to feeling deliciously pliant, Jim’s body accepting Bones without resistance, welcoming the hot length of Bones’s cock eagerly. 

Bones drew back from the endless kisses. Jim made a noise of protest and chased after him, getting one more kiss before Bones spoke. “What do you need, Jim?” he asked, so intent it sent a shiver of delight up Jim’s spine. “Tell me. I want to give you everything you need.”

The words slipped out without thought: “Just stay with me.” Jim said. He flushed, but refused to take it back. His hands were still on Bones’s face, and now his legs tightened around him, too. “Don’t leave me behind, don’t let me drive you away.”

“I won’t,” Bones promised, low and fierce. “I couldn’t. You’re a part of me. And,” he rolled his hips, a long, voluptuous thrust, “I’m a part of you.”

“Yes.” One of Jim’s hands slid down to curl around the back of Bones’s neck, and the other went to his hip to urge him on. Jim tilted his own hips, licking his lips, “Come on.”

Their gazes locked together as they moved, Bones fucking into him with strokes that slowly grew faster, hungrier. Sweat beaded on his body and dripped down onto Jim, tiny flickers of sensation that made for a tingling counterpoint to the bright pleasure of Bone’s cock sliding over Jim’s prostate. Jim arched into every thrust however he could, pulling with hands and legs, shoulder blades pressing into the bed as he lifted his body to meet Bones. 

Jim felt completion creeping up like a rising tide, as if heat and pleasure had to fill him up like water before he could reach the crest. “Bones,” he panted as he teetered on the edge. “ _Bones_.”

“I’m with you,” Bones moaned, thrusting harder, his hips stuttering suddenly. “I’m with you.”

Jim broke, crying out as his orgasm rushed through him, clutching at Bones. And Bones, Bones came, too, fucking Jim with desperate, unsteady thrusts until the energy of climax left them both and they slumped into a damp pile of tangled limbs.

Slowly, Jim came back to himself. Bones was sprawled across his chest, limp but not unconscious, because he hummed softly when Jim gently stroked the back of his neck. “Am I too heavy?” Bones muttered eventually, not moving.

“No, you’re good,” Jim said. He liked the weight, liked having Bones in his arms. Bones snickered quietly, and after a second Jim snorted a laugh. “You are never allowed to insult my innuendos again.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You laughed.”

Bones shifted, and they rearranged themselves to that they could look at each other. “You bring that out in me.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows. “Laughter?”

Bones smiled softly. “Happiness.”

“Sap,” Jim said, even though his heart was melting. Bones gave him a looked like he could tell, and Jim caved. “I know the feeling.”

~~End~~

**Author's Note:**

> I mod a Kirk/McCoy community over on Imzy, and I'm having a great time chatting with folks there. I encourage folks to come join us! 
> 
> Imzy is still in private beta, but I have lots of invitations for the community, and I'll send one out as soon as I see the request. Go here to request an invite: https://www.imzy.com/kirk_mccoy


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